yeah havent written for super long... as usual hmm... so much has happened... actually not really lah... just recently i guess... oh mummys birthday was a few days ago... same as lky heh... cool stuff... but anyway... its so funny... i always thot tt im ok... tt i dun really need pple so much... as long as i had my books and God i guess... but yet it hurts so much... been feeling abit down recently... feel like i am all alone sometimes... it was worst when i realised tt when i cried out to God His peace did not flow... but tt problem has been sloved at least... praise Him for showing me that the right to have His peace and grace is not mine by right... its for me to seek Him and for him to give as and when He pleases so at least im ok with Him now... sorta i guess... other stuff... i dunno... like things bother me... but i can only tell certain pple and recently this circle has been rapidly shrinking... always so happy that i can still have made such good frens and gotten into a relationship at the same time and yet still be so close to my frens... i guess i was just deluded... or maybe i was the only one hu sees it that way? i dunno... its like nowadays i can only bring myself to confide in one of my classmates and yet im afraid to... pray so hard that God will allow me to be accepting of my situation... like maybe wad i give the impression of being and what i am is different... y cant they see that? must i always be the baby... the cute one tt is dere for comic effect... sometimes i really feel like tts all im good for... i guess i knew all along tt this may just happened... but the one time i mentioned it they promised... the PROMISED that it wun happen... i guess some promises just cant be kept. i dun blame them i guess its just the way things are... but it hurts... so much... and there is noone i can turn to. except Him....
~Dear Lord...
You know the desires of my heart... u know everything in my mind... please Lord... set me free... please just let me know that i do not need people... all i need is You...
Amen~
i guess there is an upside to everything... who knows maybe God is preparing my heart for mission work... i guess being a missionary is lonely stuff... and really have to learn to lean on Him... recently ive been thinking... my desire to be a missionary has grown but i dont think im living my life in a way that will prepare me for the mission field... but i guess i dont really know how to go abt it... just have to keep praying and seeking for Him i guess... and life cant be THAT bad rite... i mean i have anything i want... and even tho sometimes they hurt me my frens are still my frens and they are very good frens too... i think 3 is too small... but how to find someone else? i dunno... *i miss you rena*
hiahz ok dun think abt it already... on a lighter note... ponned sch yst and went laguna... nice club man... its gotten better ever since peter kwee aquired it... was qt fun lah... and i can see y credit card causes problems... cos my membership card is sorta a credit card in the club cos can charge it to daddy... and it was like super fun! can just buy stuff and like all free liddat haha... i guess esp cos im not the one paying in the end heh... anyway... went swimming... haven swim for so super long... super lagging now haha... i bet alfred beat me FLAT now... (as opposed to sometimes flat sometimes not) man... hes super hardworking... so yah i guess he deserves to be better haha... haihz... just hope tt tomolow.. oh wait today will be a better day...today... i mean yst really sucked haha... except tt got to spend qt alot of time with nok... im glad u came dear... really brightened up my day u noe... u always do :) other than tt this was a day of hurts and confusion... not something i experience often... maybe it is better to be a clown... just tt i read somewhere tt clowns are sad... hmm dunno lah nvm... my mantra for the future will be "My God is sufficient for me" yah... cos He really is... just need to seek Him out i guess... :)